


The Tundra

by nightmurmurs



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Bickering, Family Dynamics, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Panic Attacks, Primes used as a swear, Sensory Overload, Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, TommyInnit Being a Little Shit (Video Blogging RPF), Twins! Techno and Wilbur, brief mention of Dream, comforting ranboo, completely platonic, no shipping or romantic relationships, not described indepth, phil is a questionable dad, pre ghostbur, ranboo is nd coded, sally the salmon - Freeform, technoblade and phil name ranboo, technoblade teaches ranboo english, tommy is himself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:13:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28986171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightmurmurs/pseuds/nightmurmurs
Summary: Technoblade accidently shoots a kid and Phil insists they bring him in. One night stays into two then a month and then 4, and soon Ranboo's meeting Phil's other sons.
Relationships: Ranboo & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Technoblade & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson
Comments: 6
Kudos: 478





	1. Technoblade shoots a child

Phil trudges through the ankle deep snow, his axe resting on his shoulder. Techno is a few metres behind holding freshly chopped firewood from the forest. The sky clouds over, purely white, threatening for more snow to fall, and Phil pulls his dark blue cloak tighter over his broad shoulders as he feels the wind pick up, and he has to use a hand to keep his hat in place. He spits a stray piece of blond hair out of his mouth and turns to check on Techno. He’s at the edge of the spruce forest, and seems to be doing fine, completely unphased by the worsening weather. Phil playfully rolls his eyes and continues the tiresome but short journey. They soon reach the house without slipping or falling in the ice and snow and successfully miss being trapped in the middle of the incoming blizzard. 

“Phil,” Techno calls out as Phil places the axe against the outside wall of the house. Techno nods his head at Karl’s pen, which is missing slats and looks worse for wear. Techno had been meaning to fix it for weeks but kept putting it off, “I’m gonna fix this whilst I’m out here. Don’t let me in until I’ve finished.” Phil laughs and agrees and takes the firewood from Techno before heading inside, excited to warm up. Living in the middle of the snow is beautiful, enchanting almost, but Phil still isn’t used to the constant cold quite yet. Techno seems immune and often complains of being too  _ hot _ despite how cold he is to the touch . Piglin things, he supposes. Phil pulls his gloves off and places his bucket hat on the coat rack, pulling his heavy-duty boots off. He moves to the living room and puts the wood in the wicker basket by the fireplace, ready to be used when they decide to light it. 

Phil decides to start on dinner, and as he’s chopping up some onions he hears the door go. A couple of bangs ring out, the distinct sound of a crossbow being pulled back and a grunt from Techno. Karl must be being difficult today. He hears the younger man enter the house.

“All done, Techno?” he asks without turning. He gets no response, so as he’s washing the onion residue of his hands he looks over his shoulder. Techno’s standing in the doorway looking slightly alarmed, out of breath, “You okay mate?”

“There's a thing on the lawn.”

“A thing? Care to expand?” Phil chuckles, and walks over to the pink haired man.

“It came up behind me, and I shot it. With a blinding arrow.” Phil wheezes before Techno continues, “it’s just sittin’ there, in the snow, blind. It’s not doin’ anything or tryna leave.” 

“Let me see,” Phil ambles over and opens the door, Techno looking over his shoulder. In the snow leaning against the stone foundation of the house, is a tallish, odd looking boy. His hair is split in the middle, one half black the other white. His face is the same, just on opposite sides. He’s strange looking, but there's something human about him. He’s looking at his hands, pulling them away and towards his face, inspecting them like they aren’t his.

“Why did you blind the poor boy?” Phil walks over, resting a gentle hand on the guy's shoulder. The boy jolts, freezing where he is, “Come on mate, up you. I’m gonna help you and get you some milk, okay?”

“He scared me Phil, imagine seeing that thing sprintin’ towards you.” Techno explains with a tinge of disgust as Phil tries to get the guy up. He faces some resistance but ultimately gets him up. Phil sits him at the kitchen table, after guiding him through the house. The man is making small noises of distress, and Phil tries to sooth him as he gets the milk from the fridge. Phil forces the glass into his clawed hands, and briefly wonders how human he really is. Apart from his odd hair and skin pattern, he seems relatively normal - maybe it's just a birth defect. Techno’s watching from the doorway, looking angsty and clearly unhappy with this random guy in the house. 

The boy finishes the milk and Phil watches as his eyes uncloud revealing mismatching green and red eyes. This boy gets weirder and weirder looking, but Phil was never one to judge based on appearance. He was sure his sons were equally as weird looking. The boy stares, looking around, his eyes darting everywhere but Phil’s face.

“Hey mate, you doing okay?” Phil asks calmly, pulling a chair out to sit down next to him. The boy is shaking now, his shoulders pulled in on himself, “Why were you all the way out here?” He doesn’t reply, his clawed hands digging into his thigh. The boy looks young, maybe 15 or so, but probably around the same age as his youngest son. As Phil looks at his face, he notices a gash, slowly dripping with what seems to be  _ purple _ blood down his face.  _ Definitely not fully human _ , Phil thinks. It’s not massive, but enough to need more than a plaster. Phil does the universal sign for ‘stay where you are’ as he gets up to retrieve the first aid kit.

“Techno you didn’t mention you’d actually cut him!” Phil scolds as he filters through the kit for some sort of saline solution and a small bandage. Techno’s still watching in the doorway, not attempting to help. 

“It's news to me too, I didn't realise.” Phil tuts in response, and sits back down with the boy.

“I’m gonna just clean your wound, okay mate? Might hurt a little.” As Phil reaches to the boy's face, he flinches violently and looks between Phil’s approaching hands and the door. The boy clearly doesn’t seem to understand Phil when he speaks and he’s running out of hand signals. Phil taps his cheek, and the boy touches his own cheek and looks at the blood on his fingertips. He nods and Phil takes that as his signal to patch him up.

As Phil cleans the wound, he instructs Techno to carry on preparing dinner, and to make enough for their guest. Techno grumbles the entire time and Phil can only glare at him because he feels that if he speaks too harshly the boy will dart, and it's way too cold for  _ anyone  _ to be back in the bitter tundra, no matter how weirdly hot their skin is to the touch.

“You don’t have to be constantly looking for a way out. You don’t need to do a runna, I won’t kick you out.” Phil says, and the boy just sits there. Phil sighs. It's a sad sight, and he feels shit; a random teen boy is in his house, clearly can’t speak or understand English, and Phil has no idea where he came from.

Dinner is strange, and Phil tries his best to include the boy in conversation, but he doesn’t reply and just watches them. Phil’s only way of communicating is through hand signals, which seem to be the only thing the boy understands. He tries one more time as they’re finishing up their food. 

“Do you have a name?” Phil asks, and is met with silence again.

“I don’t think he’s gonna respond Phil,” Techno says honestly, gesturing with his knife.

“Well I can’t keep calling him-  _ boy _ . Feels shitty.”

“Should we just name him?”

“Any ideas?” Phil observes the boy, who’s holding his cutlery the wrong way round, and is really struggling to get comfortable in his chair.

“He’s kinda ghastly lookin’. Something to do with ghosts? And uh- he’s constantly on edge, I mean I relate but-.” 

“Anxiety Ghost.”

“Awful.”

“Boo?”

“Fast-boo,” Techno jests and they laugh childishly as the boy watches them. He’s now picked up his cup, the water sloshing dangerously. Phil quickly picks up his cup and takes a sip, and the boy copies. He guesses that is how a lot of their interactions would be from now on, a part of him already decided on keeping the boy.

“I don’t know how fast he is yet,” Phil laughs, “Run-boo?”

“Ranboo,” Techno corrects, and Phil repeats it back. The silence that follows basically confirms Ranboo will be this kid’s name, until he leaves or tells them otherwise. 

Techno prepares the guest bedroom quickly, and shows Ranboo to his room. The stairs were difficult for him, and he took them one at a time. Ranboo has to duck as he enters the bedroom as he’s so  _ weirdly  _ tall - even Techno feels little near him. He seems to understand what’s happening as he settles on the bed staring at the wall. Techno awkwardly pulls some spare clothes from the dresser in the room. 

“These are for you,” Techno presses the clothes into his grip and Ranboo continues to stare, unsettlingly. Techno’s just realised Ranboo hasn’t blinked once, like some sort of lizard. Terrifying. “Um, goodnight, I guess.” He backs out of the room and closes the door before heading into the living room where Phil is preparing the fire with the logs they collected. He’d forgotten that he'd even done that today.

“Phil,” Techno begins, sinking into the sofa, “How long is he staying here?”

“Until he wants to leave. And the storm has settled. And he’s better.” Techno raises an eyebrow at Phil’s list, “No, I just feel bad. He’s a kid for Primes sake. He has no business being all the way out here  _ and  _ all alone. I know what it feels like to be utterly lost. I-I don’t want the same for him if I can help it.”

“You’re such a saint,” Techno says sarcastically.

“Mhm. You’d have to kill me first.” Phil jokes back. They lapse into comfortable silence and Phil finds himself staring into the flames of the fire, circling the brim of his beer with one finger. Phil’s unsure if he’s doing the right thing, but he doesn’t really have another choice - he’s not a psychopath, so Ranboo will have to stay. For now. Phil’s mind briefly flashes back to his teen years, when he was on the run, looking for somewhere to go and someone to be. His own parents casted him out when he needed them the most and left him trailing the countryside before finding a small village and a strange guy called Dream, who had welcomed him warmly and even built him a small home. Phil never wants anyone to feel like he did. He shudders and sinks further into the sofa and adjusts the shitty cushion Wilbur had made and he didn’t have the heart to throw out. “He’s a strange kid.”

“Indeed. I’m not happy.”

“I know you’re not, but would you send a poor orphan child back into the freezing snow?”

“I’d heavily consider it.”

“Just be- bearable. You don’t need to be overly nice, just be civil.”

“Alright.”


	2. Technoblade teaches English

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Technoblade teaches Ranboo English.

Ranboo had been living with Phil and Techno for a week now, and had not said a  _ word  _ to either of them. Phil would talk to him, and Ranboo would look back with blank eyes, perhaps tilting his head in response. Phil was starting to lose hope that Ranboo would ever speak, even if it wasn’t English, and he was growing to accept that. It would be a nice change to his youngest son, Tommy, who was like the personification of a bouncy ball, always with something to say or snide remarks to make. The house was quiet, and when they all would retire to the living room in the evening, the only noise would be the crackling of the fireplace and the gentle snores of Ranboo as he passed out on the other sofa. Techno wasn’t one for many words, and spoke low and raising his voice was a rarity, so the house stayed calm. Ranboo had settled in the best you could for someone who had just shown up and basically been shot by one of his now roommates. 

Most ‘human’ things he either knew how to do already or just needed slight correction on. For example, he could sit and walk around fine and knew how cupboards worked but Techno had found him struggling to open his bedroom door on the first day, and had to be rescued. However the concept of a fridge greatly confused Ranboo, and he flinched when the wafts of cold air would reach him. He picked up on everything quite easily, simply copying Techno or Phil. He spent most of his days simply sat on the windowsill in his room or curled up in the blankets in the living room drawing away in an empty notebook Techno had gifted him. Ranboo was insanely talented, even with just a graphite pencil, and had replicated the skyline from his bedroom perfectcly. 

On the 9th night of Ranboo’s stay, Phil awoke with a dry mouth, and pulled himself out of bed. He walked out to the landing, and could see Techno crouching at the top step, still in his normal clothes.

“Techno, what are you-” Phil says but is quickly shushed by Techno as he turns around, a finger on his lips. He beckons Phil over, who, confused, joins him, looking through the gaps in the banister. Phil goes to speak, and stops before he even starts. Out on the back porch is Ranboo, standing in his pajamas, looking out over the garden. 

“What the fuck is he doing?” Phil whispers, and Techno points out passed Ranboo. Phil blinks, allowing his eyes to adjust, and realises Ranboo is looking directly at a tall gangly black figure. With unmistakable purple eyes, Phil knows it's an Enderman. His blood goes icy, and his biggest fears flash through his mind. Enderman aren’t exactly friendly creatures. He goes to get up, to  _ save  _ Ranboo from the horrifying creature, but pauses. Why isn’t Ranboo being attacked? He’s looking directly at it. Techno slowly slips down the stairs, and pulls open the back door. Gurgling wafts into the house, the identifiable sounds of an Enderman talking. It’s wide mouth, which is filled with sharp, razor like teeth, closes, but the noise persists. It’s Ranboo. Ranboo is replying back in the language. Ranboo laughs and then the enderman bends down and uses the creepy, elongated fingers to push back the boy's fringe, pressing it’s forehead to Ranboo’s. 

Phil chokes back a whimper.  _ Please don’t hurt him _ , he thinks. After a brief moment, it stands back up to its full, terrifying, height, and looks at Techno, who still has a hand on the door. It makes a single noise before teleporting away, back into the dark, and Ranboo spins arounds, eyes widening as they land on Phil and Techno. He immediately freezes and audibly swallows. He seems to cower into himself as Techno takes a few steps towards him and in response Ranboo backs onto the snow covered lawn, soaking the hem of his pajamas bottoms.

This all makes sense; the strange noises, Ranboo’s ability to get from upstairs to downwards at an alarming rate, and the fact that he hadn’t said a word to Phil or Techno; he couldn’t speak English because he was (at least part) enderman. Phil could have hit himself for overlooking that. Ranboo is shaking slightly, looking everywhere but Phil and Techno, fiddling with his fingers. Phil joins Techno as the door and gestures Ranboo inside. Ranboo keeps looking back at them as he climbs the stairs and disappears into his room.

“I think we’ll uh, try talk or something tomorrow,” Phil says, “I’m not sure how though.” Phil looks at Techno, who still has a tight grip on the door and his knuckles are turning white. Before Phil can ask if he’s okay, he speaks. 

“I think I picked up a couple of words,” Techno states, “They were talking about- rain? I didn’t get the full picture.”

“I didn’t know you could speak Enderman,” he replies dryly, eying his son’s tense shoulders.

“No, I don’t. I think Piglin must be similar to Enderman.” Techno leaves at that, and Phil follows shortly, shaking his head. This was definitely an issue for morning Phil. He got back into bed, not getting any water, and had a restless night.

\--

Morning comes and Phil pours another cup of coffee as he waits in the kitchen for Ranboo to materialise. Techno’s already here, sitting in his seat, fiddling with a pen. They both freeze as Ranboo appears in the doorway to the kitchen, and avoids eye contact as he sits down at the head of the kitchen table, staring straight ahead.

“I haven’t spoke Piglin in a hot moment Phil,” Techno says, flipping to an empty page in his notebook. Phil laughs and joins them at the table. He nods at Techno, and Techno coughs, clearing his throat. He says a couple of words, and Ranboo’s head shoots up at that. Techno repeats it, and Ranboo parrots it back with a slightly different pronunciation. Phil looks between them, confused, but happy to see Ranboo speaking. They keep talking, sometimes Ranboo looks confused and sometimes he would reply with great enthusiasm, hands clawing into the wooden tabletop, which makes Phil cringe, but the younger boy’s joy allows him to not get too mad. 

“Alright Phil. A small language barrier but I think we had a good conversation,” Phil says, and begins writing in his notebook.

“So? What did you talk about?”

“I asked about last night but he glossed over it. Uh, he wants to learn English and is happy you took him in.” Phil lets out a small ‘aw’, and smiles gently at Ranboo, who’s rocking back and forth, making small noises of joy. Phil can’t imagine what it's like to be somewhere you can’t guarantee complete safety due to the fact you can’t speak the same language as the people you’re staying with. 

“That’s amazing stuff Techno.”

“Eh,” Techno replies dismissively, clearly a little embarrassed. 

“You’ll help him learn won’t you? He’s a good kid. Does his fairshare chores without me nagging,” Phil says the last part under his breath. Techno sighs deeply, like he’s greatly inconvenienced by it.

“Sure.” Excitedly, Phil can’t help but ruffle Techno’s hair affectionately. Hugs are normally off the table for Techno, so a hair ruffle will have to suffice. The pink haired boy sighs, but doesn’t bat away Phil’s hand. 

  
  


In the following days, Technoblade sets aside at least 2 hours a day to just sit down and complete the arduous task of teaching someone a language when you don’t even speak the same one. Techno starts with the basics like pointing at things around the house, saying them in Piglin and then English. Ranboo would repeat the Piglin if it was the same word in Enderman, and then attempt to pronounce it. Simple words such as ‘hat’ he got quite quickly, but when Techno pointed at a sheep outside, Ranboo just couldn’t say it. They quickly gave up with that word as Ranboo was getting distressed and cut the session short.

Ranboo was surprisingly good otherwise, only a few words really tripping him up. By the end of the first week Ranboo could piece together very basic sentences and phrases such as ‘my name is Ranboo’ and ‘I am good’. He was clearly gaining a quick grasp on the language, and the small crossover between Piglin and Enderman went a long way. 

Around this time each year, when autumn was slipping into winter, they needed to collect some more supplies to bide them over until spring. They could get supplies during winter, but getting trapped in a snowdrift or a blizzard was a death sentence. Phil had demanded Techno to stay with Ranboo, and teach him more english and Techno had reluctantly agreed, and made lots of passive aggressive comments in the days leading up to Phil’s departure. Technoblade wasn’t exactly the kind of person to want to be left alone with some random guy he'd just met.

The first night was fine, the English lesson went well and nothing bad happened. The second night Technoblade nearly died. Not literally, metaphorically. Ranboo was asleep on the sofa when Techno went in to pick some pillows off the floor. Ranboo turned over in his sleep and Techno felt his heart drop. His eyes were wide open, but he was most definitely asleep. Techno waved a hand and he didn’t budge or flinch. Huh, guess he didn’t have eyelids, his mind supplied. An awful thought and Techno never wanted to think about it again.

The rest of the week was uneventful, and on Friday night, Phil came back. They helped him in and assisted in storing everything he’d gotten from L’Manberg. After a hearty dinner, they retired to the living room and Phil began retelling some stories that had occurred whilst he was out there. Half way through his second story, Ranboo awkwardly entered and sat down next to Phil, clearly wanting to say something.

“You alright mate?” Phil asks. He’s sat comfortably back on the couch with his arm over the back of it, drink in other hand. Ranboo opens his mouth and closes it a few times, his pointy eyes twitching. He’s stressed and Phil goes to speak but the boy beats him to it. 

“Mr Minecraft,” Ranboo starts, “Thank you for allowing me to stay in your home. It is a nice home. I am very happy here. I am forever on debt with you.” 

“Aw,” Phil can’t help but say, “Thank you Ranboo. You’re welcome to stay as long as you like, okay mate?” Ranboo nods and makes a small noise of joy before rapidly leaving, hands wiggling at his sides. 

“Primes, Techno. You’ve taught him so much in such a short amount of time. I’m impressed.”

“All in a day’s work Mr Minecraft,” Techno gently mocks, smirking over the top of his drink.

“It’s endearing, I think. He’s an odd kid.” Techno makes a noise agreement.

“You’re okay with uh- him staying?” Phil asks nervously. Techno had notorious trust issues, and Phil didn’t want to push him. 

“I’m alright.” Phil relaxes at that, content with this strange little family he had, far out in the snowy tundra. It’ll do, he thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they realised! dumb bitches /lh. one more chapter with the rest of the sleepy bois and tubbo!


	3. Technoblade is a good brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Technoblade is a good brother

Phil enters the kitchen to find Ranboo and Techno already sitting at the small kitchen table, flashcards sprawled over the table. 

“Mornin’ boys,” Phil smiles, putting his empty cup in the sink. He boils some water and makes another cup of coffee and sits down with them, interested.

“What are you doing?” he asks, bringing the cup to his lips, blowing gently. Techno was already dressed, his cloak hanging over the back of his chair, but his long pink hair was still tangled and unbrushed, pointy ears sticking out between the locks. A plate of sandwiches was half eaten on Techno’s right. On the left Ranboo perches on a chair awkwardly, his limbs still not used to sitting in normal size people chairs even after 4 months of being here. Both of his legs were pulled up to his chest, arms at his side hanging uselessly. 

“Teachin’ some last minute phrases. Ranboo wanted to be ready.” Phil laughs softly, reaching over to ruffle the youngers hair affectionately. Ranboo flinches but allows Phil good naturedly; he’s not yet use to Phil’s casual affection. Today was the day that Ranboo would meet Phil’s other sons and to be honest, he was nervous. Tommy wasn’t exactly the most sensitive person and often spoke before fully thinking through the implication of his words, and Wilbur could be quite hostile if he decided he didn’t want to be friends with someone. Tommy had also been very adamant on bringing his best friend Tubbo. Phil had tried to keep the number of people down for Ranboo’s sake but Tubbo was most of Tommy’s impulse control and so reluctantly agreed. Phil had been stressing, making sure everything was how it normally was so Ranboo could be comfortable in his environment even with some guests. Techno had supported him in his own special way, with giving Ranboo an extra hour of language week in the upcoming week to the visit. It was endearing for Phil as Techno’s way of showing he cared was more through the little things, rather than grand acts of kindness. 

“I’m sure you’ll do fine, mate,” Phil says honestly. He knew that Ranboo’s journey of learning English had been a long one, but he had come such a way and Phil was nothing but incredibly proud. Enderman was a complex, tonal language and  _ somewhat  _ similar to Piglin, a language Techno knew but rarely spoke - he didn’t feel a need, “How are ya feeling, Ran?”

“Good, I’m good. I just want to make sure I don’t mess up,” Ranboo responds whilst picking up a flashcard. He takes a moment to comprehend it before speaking again. “This is spelled incorrectly Mr Blade.” Phil chuckles at that because as soon as Ranboo learnt the titles of ‘Mr’ he was adamant that he referred to them as Mr Blade and Mr Minecraft respectively. 

“Ah, so it is. My mistake,” Technnoblade takes the card and corrects the mistake as Phil’s chest swells with pride. Primes, he’s come such a way.

“They’ll be here soon,” Phil speaks, peering out a window nochantly, “I think we’ll hear ‘em before we see ‘em.” 

Ranboo fiddles with the hem of the suit he insisted on wearing (“I need to make a good first impression!”) and huffs out a shaky breath. 

“If they’re ever being too loud or obnoxious, promise you’ll say something.” Ranboo looks up at that and nods. He shudders, small purple particles dissolve into the air before standing and disappearing up the stairs, probably to his bedroom. 

“He’ll be fineeee,” Techno says and he pulls his cloak around him, walking out of the kitchen, “I’m going to sharpen my sword in case Tommy gets extra annoying.”

“You are not to hurt your siblings under any circumstances Techno!” Phil calls after him, “You’re not even going to where your sword is!”

  
“Yeah I know, that was a lie. Bye,” the door slams shut, rattling the house and Phil is alone in the kitchen.

Ranboo might not be the most socially inept person but Phil has faith. He pulls the curtain open and on the horizon is 3 figures making their way towards the house. He watches as one of them in what looks like a brown trench coat shoves the blond and he goes tumbling into a snow drift. Distant shouts echo as they begin chasing each other. The final boy ignores them and Phil welcomes him when he arrives at the house alone.

“Afternoon Tubbo,” Phil says as Tubbo takes off his snow caked shoes and shakes off his thick winter coat, “Will they be joining us?”

“Probably, unless Wilbur kills him,” Tubbo says easily and makes himself at home as he trails into the living room. Phil laughs and goes into the kitchen to make some hot chocolate. As he pours the milk in he hears clearer shouts.

“Get the fuck off me bitch! I don’t fight with ugly people!”

“You started it you fucking insolent child!” the front door goes and a smack noise follows.

“You DICKHEAD! My nose is bleeding you fucker.” Phil sighs, today was going to be very and insufferably long. Tommy shuffles into the kitchen, head tilted forward as Wilbur guides him, his face apologetic. 

“You’ve been here two seconds and you’re already fighting. What is with you two?” Phil says exasperatedly. He watches as Wilbur rolls up some tissue for the blond, clearly caring some amount. 

“I hope you choke,” Tommy says as he dips a bloody finger into Wilbur’s drink to retaliate. 

“Phil are you just gonna let him do that?” Wilbur whines and gestures at his drink.

Ever chaotic and a child at heart, Phil replies, “Well you did hit him with a door.” And with that, he leaves them to argue it out and takes Tubbo and Ranboo’s drink to the living room. He almost drops them on the floor but catches himself as he finds Tubbo and Ranboo sitting next to each other, doing a crossword puzzle Phil had left on the coffee table so guests would think he was an intellectual man. He’d never even opened it.

“Hi Phil!” Tubbo says cheerfully, “We’re doing a crossword puzzle.”

“I noticed,” Phil laughs, placing the drinks down. 

“Do you have a 8 letter word that means ‘able to stick fast to a surface or object; sticky’”

“Adhesive?” Phil supplies and Tubbo excitedly writes in down.

“Okay next one, 10 letters, ‘having, showing, or arising from intense often vicious ill will, spite, or hatred’” Phil stops to think, racking his brain.

“Malevolent,” Ranboo says and Tubbo’s eyes widen.

“You are so correct. How’d you get malevolent but couldn’t get candle?”

“His first language isn’t English,” Phil says, waiting for some sour reaction from Ranboo but he’s writing his word in the puzzle, seemingly completely unphased.

“Oh sorry. That’s super cool though.” Phil sighs with relief, crisis one of probably many averted. They sit, enjoying the company of each other until Techno walks in, dragging Tommy by his arm, Wilbur trailing behind.

“I caught him trying to ride Karl,” Techno sighs and goes to sit in his usual seat but Tommy obnoxiously sits down in it before Techno can. Techno just drops his weight onto Tommy as the blond lets out a screeched.

“Phil he’s fuckin’ sat on me!” Tommy drums his fists into Techno’s back in protest.

“Did you guys hear that?” techno asks, a playful inflection in his voice. Ranboo’s watching them under his eyelashes, unsure of what to make of them. Techno eventually gets off.

“So everyone, this is Ranboo. He’s been staying with us for a while. This is Wilbur, Techno’s twin, and that’s Tommy, my youngest son.” Phil skips past Tubbo as the two look already acquainted. 

“You like women, big man?” Tommy asks distastefully and Phil rolls his eyes.

“Yes. I have never met one though so perhaps my judgement is incorrect.” Tommy snorts and Techno elbows him. 

“Hi Ranboo, I’m Wilbur. What do you like to do?”

“I enjoy reading books and drawing,” Ranboo replies robotically, as if he’s reading off a script and Phil notices a particle of purple dance around the boy. Phil knew that the more stressed he got, the worse his speech got, so he was doing remarkably well at the moment.

“Why don’t you blink,” Tommy blurts out as if it hurt to keep the question in anymore. There's a slight pause before:

“Tommy, he- he doesn’t have any eyelids,” Techno says and they fall into awkward silence. It’s painful and Phil wants to strangle Tommy for being- well, himself. Technoblade decides that the lamp on the side table needs to be fiddled with, Wilbur’s adjusting his beanie, and Tubbo’s still engrossed in his crossword. Ranboo’s rattling slightly, his sharp nails picking threads on his slacks anxiously. Tommy whistles slowly as a smile creeps on his face as he looks over at Phil as an idea sprouts in his brain. 

“Does anyone want to look at my foot?” he pulls a mangled rabbit’s foot from his bag, blood caked in the pale fur. The white bone is peaking out. 

“What the fuck Tommy!” Phil exclaims, “Take that outside right now- that is disgusting.” Tommy screech-laughs and dives out of the living room and Phil follows to make sure he doesn’t dispose of it in the kitchen bin or worse, put it back in his bag somehow. Phil runs a hand through his hair and ties it up in a half bun. One day, stress of being related to Tommy would kill him, he knew it. Phil makes Tommy stay in the kitchen with him, helping him to prepare dinner as he trusts the rest to make sure Ranboo isn’t too overwhelmed. 

“Tommy, you need to be more careful with the things you say. They can be hurtful,” Phil says as he washes some vegetables in the sink. Tonight, they were having spaghetti. Simple meal that everyone liked.

“I didn’t say anything! I asked why he was all stare-y and shit. That is not offensive in my books.”

“A lot of things that aren’t offensive in your books are offensive in other people’s.”

“Am I in trouble?” Phil doesn’t even have to turn around to know what face Tommy’s making. He’s probably pouting based on his tone.

“No Toms- I’m just asking you to be more- agreeable, at least for tonight.”

“I’m very agreeable. Give me a statement.”

“Uh- February is the best month.”

“I agree. You’re wrong but I agree. See, agreeable.” Phil lets out a breathy wheeze as Tommy chuckles at his own weak joke. They continue to prepare dinner together and Phil nearly forgets how stressed he was the other day over this. He leaves Tommy alone to serve up just to get everyone from the living room. On one sofa is Tubbo, Ranboo, and Wilbur all looking at what seems to be Ranboo’s notebook. Phil hasn’t seen it too many times but he knows it's filled with excellent drawing, packed with detail and interesting colour palettes. They're all pretty engrossed in listening to Ranboo explain as much as he can in declining English, and so don’t notice Phil in the doorway. Phil gives a thumbs up to Techno who’s sat on the other sofa, as a silent question of ‘is everything okay?’

“Alright,” Techno speaks, and the other’s jump at his voice. 

“Tea,” Phil says and they scramble up, obviously hungry. Phil grabs Ranboo before he can leave, “So…”

“I like Tubbo and Wilbur. They’re really nice and they like my drawings.” Phil’s satisfied with that answer and allows him to advance into the kitchen. 

The start of the meal goes without hitch, everyone busy tucking into their food, and Phil revels in the temporary calm.

“Can you pass the garlic bread Toms?” Wilbur asks, pointing at the bowl that’s just out of his reach. Tommy looks up at Wilbur and takes a piece of garlic for himself and completely ignores Wilbur.

“Tommy…” Phil starts and that’s all it takes for Tommy to hand over the bowl, and Wilbur sneers, snatching it from his hand. Phil sometimes wonders if his sons are still manic toddlers.

“So Will,” Phil starts as he stands to grab another drink.

“Hm?”

“When will we see this girlfriend of yours?” 

“Oh-uh,” Wilbur splutters, “Uh- dunno. She’s- busy. Yeah she’s been busy with stuff.”

“Busy not being real,” Tommy quips.

“What is she calls?” Ranboo speaks for the first time at the dinner table and Phil’s happy he’s comfortable enough to join in, despite his worsening speech.

“Her name is- Sally.”

“Sally the invisible woman.”

“Tommy, stop it,” Phil returns to the table, “I’d love to meet her. So would Techno and Tubbo.”

“Don’t put words in my mouth,” Techno frowns at the same time as Tubbo says, “I would love to meet Sally!” Phil ignores them both, mainly Technoblade..

“You’ll let her know she’s welcome whenever, yeah?” 

“Yeah will do dad.”

“What is she busy with anyways?” Tubbo asks between bites.

“Swimming. Competition” Wilbur rushes out, cheeks ruddy.

“Busy doing invisible swimming in invisible contests and winning invisible medals,” Tommy mumbles.

“I will hit you.” The two carry on bickering and Techno sighs deeply. He looks over at Ranboo who’s staring intently at his half eaten food. He’s shaking, eyes twitching, and Techno’s sensitive ears can pick up the small noises of distress he's making. 

“You’re being a nuisance,” Techno hears Tommy say, but he’s too focused on Ranboo. He stands and gently pulls the hybrid up with him. 

“Me and Ranboo are gonna have a little time out,” Techno states without giving time for anyone to ask anything. The pig hybrid instantly gets that the boy’s probably feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated and probably needs a moment or four. Tommy’s not exactly the quietest person, and neither is Will when he gets riled up. They sit in the dark on the floor of Ranboo’s bedroom, leaning against the bed frame, the only dim light coming from Ranboo’s eyes. The younger boy takes a deep, shuddery breath, and blindly reaches for Techno’s hand. They continue to sit for who knows long until Phil gently cracks open the door.

“They’re leaving, do you want to say goodbye?” Ranboo nods and they all leave to wish them all a safe journey home. 

“Hey Ranboo. It was nice to meet you,” Wilbur smiles, slipping his coat back on.

“You play the guitar for the next time?” Ranboo asks and Will laughs, nodding in response.

“Of course bud.” Tommy’s the next to speak.

“I am not sorry for calling you strange because you are strange. I am sorry for being loud though.” And finally Tubbo, who, as always, is the best guest.

“You’re really cool Ranboo. Here, do you have a personal comm?” Ranboo looks at Phil, and Phil nods for him, and pulls it from Ranboo’s pocket, “Have my code. It’s T-U-B-B-O and then 3629. Now we can talk even when I’m in L’Manberg.” Ranboo cracks a smile.

“Thank you Tubbo. You’re really kind.”

“No worries man.” And with that, Tubbo, Wilbur, and Tommy leave and the house is finally silent again. Everyone’s exhausted but Ranboo still manages to send a message to Tubbo before passing out on the sofa, face smushed into Techno’s thigh. The pink haired boy can’t help but entangle a hand in his wavy hair. 

“This doesn’t warm my heart even in the slightest,” Techno says when he catches Phil looking at the duo. Phil laughs but leaves it at that. He’s not too bad, Techno thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and bam, explained why ranbo's got an american accent because techno taught him english. i really enjoyed this, it was to explore the character interactions and explore how ranboo came to be. the mistakes ranboo makes when speaking is based on how i was when i was learning a language so yeah. pog champ :D

**Author's Note:**

> i rlly enjoyed writing this ahhh im well gassed. i felt really british doing this


End file.
